Ordinary

I think everyone should write their autobiographies. Each person should write everything they can think of about their lives, how they felt about the things that they did and what happened to them, the minutia, and the tragedy and the glory, if there is any, the truth, as they see it when they are writing it, and as they see it later when they write it differently, everything. The length should be unlimited. And then each of these people should edit it down, and edit and edit and edit, until their lives seem worth having lived and maybe worth reading about, but not necessarily. Because this is not you, it’s for us.  If that makes sense.

That’s what I think.

I forgot to write last Friday.  Just forgot. And that broke my streak, and so I kept blowing off writing for this week, because, well, I’ve blown it.

I went to Bogota, Colombia for business.  Left on Tuesday, came back on Friday, came into the office worked for an hour and then drove to Lake Hartwell, in South Carolina, where I joined some other dads and their sons, mine was already there, for a weekend of tubing, wake surfing, swimming, jet skiing and poker. I won again, but not much, and only at the end.  The trick to poker is to save your winning streak for the end of the night. My friend describes lake Hartwell as the blue collar lake, but to me, it feels like I have friends with money.

I didn’t realize that I had completely forgotten about posting on Friday until Monday when I was back at work.  I could have worked on something in the evenings from Colombia, but I forgot.

So, I’m writing this without any editing, straight into wordpress at the last minute so that I don’t neglect it on purpose this time. I can’t use the same excuse this week. I’ve  been thinking about it every day, but watching TV instead: Turn, which is ok, my wife likes it, and I finished off Merli, that Catalan show about a high school philosophy teacher, which I liked, and an episode of a Colombian telenovela called Without Breasts There is no Paradise (English translation).  And I slept in, when I might otherwise have been writing.

All in all, I think my life is pretty ordinary.  I really didn’t want that.

My daughter wants to collaborate on a screenplay about her grandfather, my dad, who is somewhat famous/infamous in specific circles. He is less ordinary.  I’ve always wanted to collaborate, cause I just can’t get it going on my own, so I am somewhat amenable to being driven by her on it, even if I’m not completely sold on the idea. I told my employee in Colombia that she should meet my daughter, because they are close in age and my daughter has a Latin soul.  “Like you?” she asks.  “More than me,” I said. I’m not sure I really have a Latin soul, but my daughter loves Latin America and actually learned Spanish. My employee describes Latinos as very enthusiastic, and that fits my daughter. She can get so excited about something she just makes you want to do it. She can also stress herself out with all of the things she wants to do, but she gets a hell of a lot done. She is driven. She can push you. She wants it all. I encourage her to try. Because I don’t want her to give up, like I do.

She’s not ordinary. Maybe it skips a generation.

 

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3 thoughts on “Ordinary

  1. Very sweet haha, your daughter must be over the moon with all those compliments from her old man. Do they read your site? I feel (perhaps I’m wrong) that you are overly harsh on yourself and the way life turned out for you. You have a career that allows you to travel, mates whom let you win poker, and kids whom are embracing life. Sound like you could learn from them and embrace yours. 🙂

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    1. let me win? True though, I have it pretty good. But there are many things I have always said that I wanted for myself, that have certainly been within reach that I have not achieved. It may seem overly harsh to hate on myself for it, or even ungrateful, but on the other hand, I can still do something about it, but not if I don’t acknowledge it. As for my daughter – interesting that you ask about that. I’ve had a blog since late 2000 when my kids were too young to read or understand. I once kicked a therapist to the curb because when my oldest expressed an interest in reading it, I brought it up and my therapist (she was really a time management consultant pretending to be a therapist) told me that I absolutely shouldn’t. On the one hand it is ok to keep some things private, but that shouldn’t mean you have to. I have never liked the idea that my parents, my kids, or even my wife, the closest people to me might not really know me. It’s especially true with kids, because we do keep things from them while they’re young, and when they’re older it’s just habit. I know parents who have never told their kids that they were married before. Do I want them to move out and have their own lives and not know the kind of person their dad really is? So I was going through and making certain posts private, but the therapist thought i should keep it all private, we got into a fight about it, and I didn’t have any use for that kind of advice. She told me I’d be back. Needless to say, I don’t think my daughter actually did read the blog once I told her where to find it. This one is new and I’ve only told one person in my real life about it so far. it’s what I call “semi-anonymous,” in that I use my real middle name. If anyone I know finds it, it will be clear that it is me, but it’s not something that they could search for and find. I do this, because I care too much what others think, and it inhibits my writing. I can always decide to share it later, after I have experimented with how it actually feels to say things.

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      1. I know what you mean Lawrence. Ironically we hide our true selves from people closest to us. I hope you can find a way to open up; it would be such a shame for them not to know you. And it’s not like you have anything to be ashamed of! You write well!

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