I am not honest with people. It bothers me. I think that it is what makes me feel like people don’t know me. It’s not because I have some big secret (I always wondered why I always feel like this; what am I even hiding?)

It’s because I don’t tell people what I really think. And then I feel like I’m pretending. Would they still like me if I did? I don’t give them the good advice that friends deserve, even when they ask for it.

It’s because I’m scared I’ll do more harm than good, and I might. I’m scared that the way I ran it through in my head won’t be the way it goes. Or that I didn’t even run it through.

“He came to my office and started complaining about someone. So I told him it was his fault,”

No preparation.

Do this badly, and you can hurt your relationship, at least. Maybe I am better off keeping it to myself. So, I do. After all I don’t have a good track record of convincing people I’m right about anything, even when I am. Or maybe it’s just my wife.

“I must have said it wrong.”

You have to tell the truth. But you also have to do it well.

This is something I have to learn. I can’t be satisfied with lying. I want to help people. I may not be good at this, but it’s important as a

  • Parent
  • Husband
  • Friend
  • Manager

to try your best, if you have any chance.

Interesting, this came up primarily in regards to work, but notice that I put “manager” last in the list.

This all makes me feel conceited. Probably another reason I don’t have these conversations, because I think it’s conceited to presume to know better than someone else. But maybe I do. More often I probably just see something they don’t, because I have a different vantage point. It’s not even like advice is unsolicited. People ask your opinion, either explicitly or they call for it some other way by what they do, and it’s important to give it to them.

You may give bad advice, but if you don’t tell people what you really think, there’s no chance that it can be good.

Hell, how can I be a writer and I’m scared to tell the truth? That’s just stupid. I should have put “writer” up there in that list. But where do I put it? First? Or second?

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