Finding yourself

I work for a company that is accepting of diversity. They have good policy towards LGBTQIA+ and they are taking the right stance on Black Lives Matter and other issues that affect people of color. Whether it bears out in practice, I’m not the one to say. But leadership does push the right buttons to get people on board. They recognize, rightly so, that it’s not just the right thing to do, but that we won’t be at our best unless we can bring our whole selves to work, and they encourage us to do that, because it helps the business. Makes me wish that I could feel at home here too. But what if you don’t know who you are? What if the only thing you hide from your co-workers is how lazy you can be? Should you tell them that?

And if the underlying cause of laziness is depression? Or maybe you really do hate your job, and it’s not the depression talking. What if the job is the cause of your depression?

Should you bring that whole self to work?

When people say that they want to find themselves, most think that’s an excuse to indulge a sense of entitlement. Admittedly who among us knows how to go about it efficiently?

Here’s what I think. I think that when you set out to find yourself, all you really want to know is what makes you happy. To figure that out you need to forget convention, forget what other people think. Whether something is right for them or not, has nothing to do with you.

I imagine that if I ever found myself, I would no longer be jealous of other people. That’s how I’d know. I’m jealous of anyone with a cause, women, black people, native Americans. I’m jealous of retired people, and of anyone who looks happy, or has something I think would make me happy whether it makes them happy or not. I’m even jealous of people who have lost their parents, for the freedom and independence, and who are divorced, also for the freedom and independence. That’s the desperation of someone who hasn’t acted for himself and worries too much about what other people think.

2 thoughts on “Finding yourself

  1. At the end of the day we all worry about what other people think? It’s the Human Construct; socialization plays a nasty role in our make up. We go I believe that we spend a lot of the following years working on ridding ourselves of the perception others have. Jealousy? I can’t believe in because it’s a waste of your precious time on the planet. Can’t stop people from being themselves. Glad you wrote the post, evocative and revealing. Great work!🙏🐕♒️🎱💯❤️🔥🔥Keep the Flame..,

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    1. I think some worry less than others. And each have their own strengths and weaknesses. For example, I consider myself pretty empathetic. I understand how people feel, and can understand them and read between the lines better than other people in my life. That’s good, but if I’m around someone too much, I start thinking like them, and I lose my independance. Maybe it’s not that I care what they think but I care what they want. I feel for them and want for them, and I forget that I may want something different.

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