I hate people.

(sometimes is implied, but now is one of those sometimes, so….. )

Is there any reason I really need to deal with people? Is there a law? Can I just be a hermit?

I know I’m not the only one. People are complaining about having to learn online, as if the way we taught before was ideal. People learn in different ways. So, the way it was couldn’t have been working for everyone. Some might like online better, but the ones who don’t are screaming the loudest. “So some people die,” they think or say, “but my child can’t adapt. He or she will fall behind. And also, I don’t know how to teach.” First, yes, we do have to put together some of that ingenuity we brag about in the US to solve the problem. There may be better ways to do online learning. But let’s also acknowledge that children are more resilient than adults. Kids can adapt. They weren’t learning the old way because it was best or because they like it better, they were doing it because that’s how adults told them to. They didn’t have a choice.

Socializing is important. Unless you want to be a hermit, like I do, but school isn’t the only place to socialize people, and certainly not the safest place, these days, and not everyone’s socialization experience in school is positive. What if they aren’t popular? What if they don’t have friends?

I’m reminded of that Lewis Black routine where he’s talking about this lifesized Barbie doll they were selling that was designed so that your kid could wear Barbie’s clothes.  “That is,” he says, “Unless your kid is too fat!”

Or what if they’re bullied? What if they just hate school for any other reason?

They are trapped in something they didn’t design. Now they’re trapped in something different that they didn’t design. What’s the big deal? Can we just go with the flow. The pandemic has thrown us a curve.

It could work better for some that’s all I’m saying.  And the others can adjust their swing.

We could stand to re-evaluate how we teach and learn, and maybe this is just the push that we need.

Why complain about having to learn online, when often we weren’t even learning in person (and spending a hell of a lot of time in school to not learn). We push STEM on people who are going to quit it at the first opportunity, and meanwhile those with potential in STEM have to suffer through classes with those who couldn’t care less.

I hate school too. School sucks. It sucked when I was in it, and it sucked up until this pandemic. We spend too much time learning things we could learn in less time and that we often don’t need. By the time we’re done, we go get a job that 73 times out of 100 doesn’t relate to what we studied.

I don’t know why all this means I hate people. I guess it’s cause most people don’t see it that way.

And that’s just one example of things that I see differently than other people. I’m tired of it.

I’m not saying people need to agree with me, I’m just saying I hate them if they don’t.

Kidding.

I’m sure some of the two of you who read my blog agree with me, or at least see my point or accept it without judgment*. And if you don’t, if you like me, for some reason, then I like you too. Especially when you’re out there in the cloud and I can’t be sure you’re real. That makes it easier.

 

*that said, it just occurs to me that one of my recent two readers used to teach in the NYC system – I read your posted bio. Please don’t take offense, I’m generalizing. I had some great teachers. Teachers are beautiful people. Mostly. I will say that the schools I liked the best were the ones with the worst reputations. Those were the schools where the teachers had more freedom to be innovative, I guess, because they had to. Necessity is the mother of invention don’t you know?

Idealistic

My biggest regret in life is that I didn’t nurture my idealism. I succumbed to the notion that idealism is naive, unrealistic and unachievable. But what is the point if that’s true? Might as well just die.

Maybe it is naive. Maybe you can’t have it all. But knowing what you want can guide you in your negotiations through life. If you at least try to shoot for the moon, you don’t always have to let those motherfuckers win. Those motherfuckers who want to ruin everything.

And I mean everything. I want the world to be a better place. I’m idealistic in that way. But I also, just personally, want what makes me happy. I’m idealistic in that way too.

For this, I need a simple life. I don’t want all the things that surround me to remind me only of what is now, and to block out what I may continue to forget. I want the space to discover, no to remember, to at least feel something of what I brought with me, what I was, as far back as I possibly existed, and I don’t know how long that is, but I suspect it is longer than we typically think.

It’s not that I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to get stuck in the past, it’s that I want to keep what I earned, and also to pay what I owe.

I want it all.

And I want that for everyone else too.

Is that so maladjusted?

Is so then maybe I should join the “International Association for the Advancement of Creative Maladjustment.”

I know a place

I took a vacation. I even took a plane to get there.

Was it great?

Is it great to be back?

You must answer yes to both questions or it wasn’t worth it.

I’m depressed as all fuck to be back.  The vacation itself was ok, but I got out of my routine. I ate, I drank, I hiked, but I didn’t read or write or bike.

I was depressed enough before I left. Now I’m more depressed.

I hate vacations. I wouldn’t mind going someplace by myself though, especially if I can just stay as long as I want and do what I want. Because I hate my life too. I hate working. I hate spending money that I would prefer not to earn in the first place.When do I get to go home to something like I used to be or think or dream of?